domenica 30 marzo 2014

Barcola monetoration: a guide to the CTF distribution from Pineta to Beevio

Incomincia ufficialmente la stagione estiva, se no gavè visto Barcola ieri. E quindi, in atesa de far l'agiornamento de sto studio tratto dal Tre volte Monon Behavior, lo riproponemo che no fa mai mal.

Barcola monetoration: a guide to the CTF distribution from Pineta to Beevio

Monon Behavior Reseach Department 

We monitorate extensively the CTF factor present at Barcola, from Pineta to the Beevio of Miramar, to produce a touristic map of the CTF present. We found a clear settorial distribution of different triestin mularia categories and ages in the long Barcolan Riviera. As the presence of High CTF mulettes is real and not abstract, we terminate here the abstract.

Key words: Topoleenee, anti-tuff comitate, topology, patata hotspot, Barcolan Riviera Life Tour

In the last years, Triest is trying to become a touristic city, in order to improve its budget and work less possible (this is the exact plan, even if the political class will negate it). So a lot of ideas and projects are on the way, like the Sea Park, the Carso Park, the abelliment of the Rive, the transformation of the grua Ursus in the Patock Eiffel Tower, the research of Saba’s lost pipe, the Bailey Bridge in Red Bridge square, that will be completed with the substitution of the canal water with the Baileys Irish Cream, the Barcola-Monte Grisa funivy, the magnification of the Area Science Park and many others.
The aim of all these projects is to attract tourist making Triest the capital of the Culture of the Mitteleurope. However, we are quite sure that the tourists of all the world are not attracted by those superficial things like culture, theater, science or nature. We think that the tourists prefer a more deep concept, an ideal paradise lost, an higher value that makes all d’accord: the CTF factor (CuloTetteFiga factor; Manna, 2009a). In Triest, during the summer season, this factor is very high at Barcola, and can attract a casinaz of tourists if well reclamized.
For this reason, we planned to monitorate extensively the CTF factor present at Barcola to produce a touristic map that can be given a gratish in all the info-point of our region. In this way tourists will surely come to Triest, the capital of the Mitteleuropean Patata, so the budget of the city will be improved and we will work less. Also, if the mulettes have to work less, they will go to Barcola, so the CTF will be higher and more tourists will arrive. The perfect plan.
For obvious reasons, from now this CTF monitoration will be called simply monetoration.

Material and methods
For the monetoration we used a variant of the classic first person scoionament sampling method (Manna, 2009a), the first person scoionament but ocio-content sampling method. We made a very long cameenada from Pineta to the Beevio of Miramare on a Sunday of July in the afternoon, when the CTF factor reach the maximum. In the morning, in fact, there is a too high tax of RGF (Ranzidume Growth Factor). We perform this long cameenada wearing a pair of white infradeeto bought from LIDL for 2,99 euri, a clear istrianism (Manna, 2009b).
The Barcolan Riviera has been divided in six different zones: Pineta, Cedas, Topoleenee (Micky Mice or Little Rats), California, Marinella and Beevio, some of them furthermore divided in subzones.
Each zone has been characterized by the quantity, the quality (from 1 to 5) and the typology (defined as “topology”) of the CTF presence.
The topologies comprises:
Nacici: characterized by a CTF factor of 4 or 5, they represent the fundamental resource for the touristic economy of the future Triest and must be valorizated.
CBCR: juvenile nacici, sometimes circundated by older males that belong to the category defined as Papi (Burlasconi, 2008). CBCR means “Cresci Bene Che Ripasso”.
Squeenzias*: juvenile self-appointed nacici, characterized by the continue utilization of all their seductive repertoire with all the males in the zone, preferably with occupated males. They are easily recognizable by the presence in their sugaman of rivists like Cioè or Top Girl. Also, they are usually taking auto-pictures taken from above, making the typical guato face, with their mouth shaped in a hypothetical kiss.
Fig. Heta. A cressuted squeenzia, undecided if to evolve in a tardona or a maranteega (Pupol by Michele Zazzara)
Tardones: sort of cressuted squeenzias over 40, always brus­toladed, ontoladed and tapated at fire.
Mulones: topology very spread in Triest, characterized by the viva l’A e po’ bon life style, the high spritz consumption and the ability of performing the clanfa, or at least the bomba americana.
Maranteegas: females, usually aged, characterized by a very low pH and a very high RGF.
Veciones: aged females. This category not necessarily comprises only maranteegas, because there are a lot of veciones full of morbin. So they can be furtherly divided in vecete or veciaze.
These topologies are only a small part of the complex world of female triestin mularia, because we use only the categories needed for this study. For an approfondiment you have to wait Monon Behavior 7 in 2025, that sarà che noi no saremo.

Some academic scassamarones think that this method of monetoration has a strong bias due to the subjectivity de gustibus. Our theory is that the male of Homo sapiens enlarge his apprezament for the CTF factor with the age: when he is 16 years old he looks the mulettes from 14 to 16; at the age of 18 he looks the mulettes from 15 to 19; at 20 from 16 to 22; at 25 from 17 to 28; at 30 from 18 to 35 and so on. Conseguentement, the male of Homo sapiens, getting older, has always more and more mulettes to look and appreciate than before, and every year he will inexorably become more distracted and more insempiated. As the performer of this study is 31 years old, we think that his interests covers a good range of CTF, so the study will be surely useful for the tourists.

We found a distribution of CTF topology, quality and quantity so riassumable:
Zone – CTF topology – CTF quantity – CTF quality
Pineta 1 – various – 4 – 3
Pineta 2 – nacici – 5 – 5
Cedas – manigated – 5 – 3
Pre-Topoleens – mulones/tardones – 3 – 3
Topoleen 1 – tardones – 2 – 2
Topoleen 2 – mulones – 2 – 2
Topoleen 3 – mulones/manigated – 3 – 2
Topoleen 4 – mulones/veciones – 3 – 2
Topoleen 5 – mulones/veciones – 3 – 2
Topoleen 6 – CBCR – 1 – 2
Topoleen 7 – CBCR – 1 – 3
Topoleen 8 – CBCR – 2 – 4
Topoleen 9 – mulones/squeenzias – 3 – 3
Topoleen 10 – squeenzias – 3 – 3
California – squeenzias/CBCR – 5 – 4
Marinella – mulones/tardones – 4 – 3
Beevio – nacici – 5 – 5

However, the data in the table are only indicative and an approfondiment for each zone is necessary.

Pineta 1 (left of the fountain watching the sea)
There is not a clear topology of CTF, here you can find nacici, maranteegas and mulones over 25. Under the pines, there is a growth of the RGF with the presence of veciones with tavolinets to play cards, that apparently live there all the summer, day and night. Very important, in this zone there was a cartel that affirmed that “è vietato prendere il ragno nel orticciolo”. So we think it is full of spiders, pay attention.

Pineta 2 (right of the fountain watching the sea)
This zone is one of the CTF hot spot of Barcola. The topology is universitarian nacici and they are everywhere. The zone is so full of person that there is very little space to place the sugaman. This is also a place full of nagane, legere, bobe and tare (Manna, 2009c), so pay attention to not ciapar lignade. Protected by the pines, near the end of the zone, there are the vecionis playing cards or lavre. The lavre court is a sort of vecionis roccafort, so do not try to put your feet in the vicinanz or you will be hit by a svolant lavra.

The spiagget of the Cedas is traditionally the place of families and children, so the CTF factor here is manigated and you cannot do the mona. The zone is so full that a lot of families and children are pian pianin invading the pines of the Pineta 2, beginning a screaming war with the vecionis of the lavre.

Between the Cedas and the Topoleens there are many mulones, but also some maranteegas and tardones. We found in the zone also some mysterious white wooden rectangular artifacts, that other researchers indicate to be coffins for the triestin Dracula, called Drekcul, so do not open them during the day if you do not have the suncream protection number 10000 for the poor Drekcul.

Topoleenee 1-5
The first five topoleens are characterized by the presences of various topology, principalment mulones and tardones but also maranteegas and veciones. Between the second and the third Topoleen there is also another spiagget very similar to the Cedas, with families, children and manigated CTF factor. The fourth Topoleen is characterized by the presence of a colony of cormoragni (Manna, 2010) in the scoi, but maybe they are cormorognas, a subspecies very danger­ous for the human hygiene. The animals are trying from years to live in peace and push the people away, they have adiritur write on the Little’s Segnalazioni a long letter, but the war is still going on. Some ornithologists are convinted that they are preparing a secret alliance with the cocai of the Pedocin. In the Topoleen 5 the comun have exposed the photoes of all the Miss Topoleenee.

Topoleen 6
The Topoleen 6 is a sort of No man’s land, and it represent the confin with the younger maledeta mularia of the next Topoleenee. The topology is CBCR and the zone is little populated.

Topoleene 7-8
This zone is the kingdom of the clanfa, the hotspot of all the young clanfadores. The CTF factor topology in this zone belong primarily to the CBCR category. The mulettes stay here attracted by the clanfadores. However, there is a clear negative trend in the demography of the zone, that, if confrontated with 10 years ago, appears semi-empty. Sacrilegiament, in 2010 the Topoleen 8 is also become the base of the evil comitato anti-tuffi, a group of anti-clanfa firmadores (Porfiria, 2010).

Topoleene 9-10
The last two topoleenee have various topologies: the Topoleen 9 is characterized by the presence of some mulones and some squeenzias, while at the topoleen 10 appears predominant for the first time the topology of the squeenzia, that will populate also the California.

This zone is really really populated, there is a great mularic skagazz and it is very easy to zapar some sugamans while camining. The CTF topology changes while you go ahead: it passes from CBCR to squeenzias and finally to mulones and some nacici.

Allontananding from the California there is always less skagazz, until you reach a very quiet zone, from Marinella to Beevio. This is the place of the mulones and of some tardones that want to stay in peace, immersed in an uncontaminated nature enriched by the spuzon of the auti.

Avicinanding to the Beevio, the skagazz level raises again, but not at the level of California. The Beevio is another CTF hotspot, and a lot of nacici can be seen here, together with some mulones and some tardones. Also, there are some maranteegas that comment all day the CTF quality of the other maranteegas.
As a secondary results we noticed that the number of s’ciockanding auti is directly proportional to the CTF quality of the area.

The Barcolan Riviera in all his length represent the evolution of life of all the triestins, called Barcolan Riviera Life Tour (BRLT). The colonization of the Riviera begins at the Cedas with your family, when you are a young cagainbraghe. Then, when you are promoted to mocoloso and to muleto, you can avanz to the Topoleenee. Then there is the next stage, the California, when you are a mulo not yet decided if to became a legera, a nagana, a bobana or a tara. Growing, you have to go on. However, to complete the stage of California and to be promoted to Marinella, you have to become able to put a sdraio on your motorin. Some say that you can also find special sdraios homologated for the motorin (Sardoni Barcolani Vivi, concert communication), probably at LIDL for 15,99 euri.
The last stage of this evolution seems to be the Beevio, but in reality the Barcolan Riviera Life Tour is organized like an old videogame: when you arrive at the end, you have simply to begin again. So the stage after the Beevio is the Pineta, and this explain the presence of nacici both in the Beevio and in the Pineta, in two places so distant. Then you will stay in Pineta until you are promoted to vecia boba. Then, you will return to the Cedas with your new sons, and they will begin a new Barcolan Riviera Life Tour. If you are an inoxidable sariandola tergestina, you will then try to complete the second lap of the BRLT, from Topoleenee to Beevio. If you will be successful in this second lap, you will finally win a person­al lavra and will be accepted in the lavre court of the Pineta, the final stage, with the solemn promise to defend the lavre court from the young maledeta mularia. In this last stage of your life you will also learn one of the most ancient secret of the old sariandola tergestina: the depandance car. The real wise triestin vecion, when the sun declares the beginning of the bal­near season, puts his depandance car in the Pineta and leave it there for all the summer, using it as a magazzin for the sugaman, the slippins, the boxers, the dresses, the frigo, the sdraio, the chairs, the tables, the cards and the personal lavra. Then he goes up and down using the autobus, in order to be free of biasteming in the bus to the young mularia for their fastidious zainetts full of monades (Vodopivec et al., 2010).
However, the results of our study suggest that some cambiaments are on the way: the Topoleenee are not so populated as years ago and, mostly preoccupant, if we exclude the lavre court, there is not a clear hot spot of the vecionis. Years ago there was a clear “vecionis zone” in the first 5 topoleenee. This confin was also recognized by the comun, that put here the photoes of the high CTF Miss Topoleenee, so the vecionis that tried to pass here risked an instantaneous infart (ULTRABULLoTS, 2010).
But now this division is not so clear and the vecionis are appostated everywhere and they are conquering pian pianin all the Barcolan Riviera. In July 2010, when we are writing this article, they are trying to win an important battle of the war against the mularia: the struggle for the Topoleen 8, one of the clanfa’s old rocca­forts, lead by the rebellious comitato anti-tuffi. This battle is mono­polizing the Little’s Segnalazioni, and news like the Rigassificator or the TAV anyone have them pel cool. The drastic demographic loss of the last Topoleenee seems to suggest that the comitato is winning and that the California could be­come soon the new confin. However, we are optimist, and thanks to the renewed interest in the clanfa endemism, testimoniated also by the Great Olympiad of the Clanfa, we think that the Topoleenee 7-8 could be soon dichiarated National Protected Clanfa Area and Devecionizated Zone.
Bon, we are going long without speaking about the most important thing: the CTF factor. We found two patata hotspot: Pineta and Beevio, that for now seems to be places distant enough from the generational clanfa war. However, the risk is that the possible future hegemony of the vecionis in all the Barcolan Riviera causes a diminution of the CTF factor, destroying our primary touristic attrac­tion.

We found the highest presence of nacici in the Pineta and in the Beevio, so we think that the two area must be prepared for the touristic future explosion. For this, we think that it is necessary that we take a lot of finanziaments in order to:
-butar in graia all the depandance cars of the vecionis, that steals parking for tourists;
-organize courses to teach to the tourists the endemism of the sdraioinmotorining, that they will surely find useful;
-organize courses of clanfa for tourists in the future National Protected Clanfa Area, in order to infastidate the vecionis that will soon be compattated again in their natural zones (the lavre court and the first 5 topoleenee).
In this way the CTF factor will no more be disturbed by the nosepolism and will grow prosperous and free, attracting new tourists every year.

We thanks all the nacici of Barcola for making the long caminada so interesting.
We thanks the Comitato anti-tuffi because we think that this sort of comitate represent an important part of the triestinity necessary to give morbin to the triestin summers and to the Little’s Segnalazioni, and must be salva­guardated. However, we obviously are on the side of the clanfadores, at least until our second lap of the BRLT.
We thank all the persons of the Spiz Association because thanks to the Clanfa Olympiad the important endemism of the clanfa is strongly salvaguardated.
Finally, we thank Sardoni Barcolani Vivi for the pearl of saggezz: “giovini triestini, chi stà meo de noi, noi ne basta un spritz, distirai sui scoi”.

Burlasconi S. 2008. A chi ghe piasi la figa che tiri una riga: better a durex than a dura lex. Ford Escort ediction.
Manna D. 2010. Zooillogic canton: cormoragno. Tre Volte Monon Behavior
Manna D. 2009a. Miramare-Opicina: a preliminary study on the best bicycle way. Monon behavior Vol. 69 No. 90: 6-8.
Manna D. 2009b. Spinazing, the triestin answer to the crisis. Monon behavior Ciu: 8-12.
Manna D. 2009c. The triestin mularia: a preliminary characterization. Monon behavior Ciu: 13-20.
Porfiria F. C. 2010. Sigaro e tuffi: no se pol. Little’s Segnalazioni collection.
ULTRABULLoTS. 2010. Cossa fa Miss Topoleenee? Infarteenee version.
Vodopivec J., Remenghic V. and Futer M. C. 2010. Mi me dà fastidio la gente che se tufa e schiza. Mi la gente che pissa in acqua. Mi i cani che spuza in acqua. Mi quei che gioga carte e ziga. Mi quei che suda. Mi quei con la panza che pica. Mi quei con le latine gasade che co te le verzi le fa psssh. Little’s Segnalazioni Best of July.

martedì 25 marzo 2014

I triestini e il lavoro alla C.D.C.

Il Monon Behavior Research Department è lieto di comunicare che finalmente tutti i problemi occupazionali della città di Trieste saranno risolti.

Gavemo trovà l'azienda che fa per noi.
Mandar el curriculum subito! E specificar ben che sè de Trieste!
Chi xe più adato dei triestini a lavorar alla C.D.C.?

Gradito diploma de nosepolismo, laurea in mandemerdismo e master in noxecoioni.
Ci sarà subito una prima selezione per scartare immediatamente quei che ga zata.

Paracul Advisory: Ou, se scherza, l'azienda in realtà xe seria, anzi, chissà che qualche dotor triestin no mandi per bon, magari gavemo fato sul serio un servizio utile sto giro ;)

domenica 23 marzo 2014

In posta, episode 1

Vecio davanti de mi
"devo spedir questo"
"eh, xe tropo picio, nosepol"
"e quindi come fazo???"
"provemo meter in sta scatola + grande"
"va ben"
"cossa xe dentro?"
"ninoli per mio nipote"
"metemo monili?"
"va ben"
"no ardi"
"perchè? cossa nassi?" 

...10 minuti dopo...
"ah eco, xe provincia de monza e brianza, no milano"
"ah ostia, ma mio nipote me gaveva dito milano, cossa la vol, desso no i bada + ai indirizi, i ga skaip, cossa so mi, internel, telefonini..."
"ok fato"

"devo spedir questi libri in russia"
"racomandata nosepol. femo prioritaria?"
"bu, va ben"
"pesa tropo, no se pol"
"eh, el peso dela cultura..."
"spedimo come pacco?"
"bu, sì va ben, forma de pacco ga..."
"bu, sì"
"via di superficie o aerea?"
"bon me arendo, me dago impreparà. femo in modo che rivi, no inquini tropo e costi poco"
"ok. 24 euri va ben?"
"fata la xe."

vecio davanti de mi: "scusa mulo, te go fato spetar un casin"
mi: "no problem. gavemo ridù, se semo divertidi, xe stada una bela matinata"

We love Poste Italiane.

sabato 22 marzo 2014

El circo dei cocai

No so se savè, ma a Trieste xe rivà el circo dei cocai. Nei prossimi giorni i farà qualche numero, tipo kamikaze panin stealing at Pedoceen o Grampa&scampa sardon ciaping at Grassilli.
Per adesso gavemo becà i do paiazi dela compagnia, Toio e Pino, che sta preparando una serie de imitazioni. Eco quela dela Galina con do teste!

Spetemo el spetacolo completo ah!

giovedì 20 marzo 2014

Mati e tocai

a trieste xe un mato
che no xe mato

ma quei mati 'ssai
i li ciama tocai

anca i cocai
ne par tocai

se inveze el furlan
no xe + tocai

caro cogoi
semo cagai

Grazie a Gianluca de Zordi per l'ispirazion.

martedì 18 marzo 2014

Winner Taconador

Un grande ritorno tra i gelati dela Algida, el mitico Winner Taco!

Per far un lancio col botto e tirar su subito le vendite, i ga fato anche una nova variante, perfeta per sfondar nel mercato. Eco el novissimo Winner Taconador!

Ocio che in sto secondo caso el claim "I'm back" xe una minaccia.

lunedì 17 marzo 2014

El quel dele Hawaii

Perciò che no finissi in dimenticatoio, recuperemo questa importante testimonianza che mostra una interessante convergenza evolutiva linguistica: l'uso del quel.
Come mostra sta vigneta tradota da Erika Ronchin, anche ale Hawaii i ga una parola che servi per sostituir le altre, e xe "da kine".

De particolar interesse scientifico el fato che sia el quel che da kine xe fomai dela stessa combinazion numerica de letere: 2+4. Per dir, anche l'italian "il coso" xe 2+4. Urgi ricerca aprofondita per capir el perchè de sto quel numerico.

Resta inegabile comunque che el quel triestin xe molto più specifico: quel solo che quel pol esser, mentre de cosi ghe ne xe tanti pertuto.

giovedì 13 marzo 2014

Se pensi di essere ubriaco ti senti più figo

Monon Behavior in the world. La rubrica dedicata ai più importanti studi scientifici VERI che ci hanno praticamente rubato. Maledeti ciò.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder’: People who think they are drunk also think they are attractive

(tra l'altro un titolo che da solo vale un premio)
La clapa di ricercatori francoamericanolandesi Bègue, Bushman, Zerhouni, Subra e Ourabah ha dimostrato che se pensi di essere ubriaco ti senti più figo.
La ricerca è stata condotta in due fasi. La prima, condotta in bar (per bon), ha dimostrato che più alcol bevi, più ti senti figo.
Nella seconda, venivano serviti sia alcolici che analcolici, a random. Tuttavia, a metà persone era stato fatto credere che fosse servito alcol e metà invece era convinta che tutto fosse rigorosamente anal.
A fine bevuta, intervistati, quelli convinti di avere alcol in corpo, per quanto non ci fosse, si sentivano più fighi.
Tra l'altro questo era il vero significato implicito del principio cartesiano Cogito ergo sum. Penso (de esser imbriago), dunque sono (imbriago).
However, ratings from independent judges showed that this boost in self-evaluation was unrelated to actual performance.

Festeggiano gli osti triestini: ah bon, desso che so, nel spritz te meto solo che acqua e giusto una spudaceta de vin, tanto te se imbriaghi lo stesso!
P.S. stiamo raccogliendo volontari per rifare assieme la prima parte dello studio.

martedì 11 marzo 2014

Uovo alla Coke

Coke boi, distudar el fogo. Servire freddo.

Che rider, ciò. Ogi umorismo de un certo livel. Aiuto!

domenica 9 marzo 2014

Il nome perfetto per un negozio per bambini

Gianpaolo Frisan ne ga mandà un'altra foto cocola dopo quela del'autostrada per mone.
Eco el negozio per bambini a Roma.
Speta. Per bambini? O per altro? Bu, no se capissi miga cossa i vendi! :D

sabato 8 marzo 2014

Donne e monogamia: un approccio evolutivo

Qual miglior omaggio per la festa della donna se non lo studio rigorosamente scientifico, tratto dal Tre volte Monon Behavior, sulle origini evolutive della monogamia femminile? (aiuto)

From nacici to maranteega: is female polygamy a good sexual strategy for humans?

Monon Behavior Reseach Department 

Our research focuses on the human female sexual strategy. Recent studies demonstrated that monongamy is becoming the principal male sexual strategy. We investigate about the possibility of polygamy in females following two study groups, one with the gene BUS-One and one with the allele MUS-One. We found that under normal conditions female polygamy could be a competitive strategy, but many complex variables incasinate all the situation. 

Key words: mulettes, pH-eega, TE-STRAEWIRO, Eva, monongamy

Recent studies have demonstrated that the best sexual strategy for the males of Homo sapiens should be the polygamy, but the genes of polygamy, that are localized in the Y chromosome, are blocked by two female genes, the TE-EWIRO (TErrible-Effects of Wife Romping maroons) and the evil TE-STRAEWIRO. The second is so powerful that conduces the males to the monongamy, a very inzerbinated and guinzagliated form of monogamy (Manna, 2009a). For this reason, polygamy is only a secondary strategy for human males, that risk many sazie lignades when pizzigated by females. However, there is an important question still debated: why polygamy is not the main sexual strategy in human females? In this study we will try to answer to this important question sacrificing and immolanding ourselves to the terrible ire funeste of the female readers, that will conclude that we don’t understand a zocca of the profond and sensible female universe (Elio et al., 1989).

Material and methods 
We planned to compare two populations of 1000 females of random CTF factor (Manna, 2009b), the facilones and the pure. The facilones are facilones, and the pure pure. As this division seems to be semantically ambiguous (Witz, 2004), we substituted the second group with the brave putele. Obviously, the facilones are polygamous and live with more than one male (a phenomenon called monapolization), while the brave putele are monogamous. The facilones have, in their X chromosome, the gene BUS-One active, while the brave putele have the allele MUS-One. Some female readers will be yet not d’accord because this division is very superficially and not correct and there are a lot of sottil sfumatures that we muli stoopeedees cannot understand. We will try to migliorar our position rampeengand ourselves on the mirrors in the next chapters. To better describe the experiment, we followed constantly the facilones group and helped them in coltiving their polygamy, using the first person dilettament sampling method (Siffredi and Pozzi, 1993). We left the groups free of doing what they want for five years and then we analyzed the results in terms of fiois generated, to estimate which strategy has the best fitness.

The results are riassunted on this table.
Group            –  Fiois generated – Fiois per day per person 
Facilones       –          1001           –         0,0005
Brave putele  –           932            –          0,0005

After five years, the facilones have generated 1,001 Kfiois, while the brave putele 0,932 Kfiois. During the study, we noticed that the female possessive behavior toward males was the same in both group: during courtship, females prefer males that do a lot of things, that are possibly sportiv, full of friends, that are pheegoni, bobe and that are potentially full of resources. Then, after the gene TE-STRAEWIRO has made effect on the male transforming him in an inzerbinated monongamous pikerin, the females don’t permit the male to make other new things, to make the pheego, to make the mona with the friends or to zogar calceto, because they want to canalize all the energy of the male in a unique way: to them. Bon, after this sentence, we will need a great rampeegade on the mirrors in the next chapters.
Furthermore, we noticed that in five years both groups have became a little less nacici and a little more maranteegas, with a costant abbassament of CTF factor and a parallel innalzament of RGF (Ranzidume Growth Factor, previously described by Susta) (fig. Ranzida). A 15% of females from both groups have also inscribed themselves to the facebook group “el club dele ranzide”. Bon, the mirrors in which we have to rampigate are becaming more and more sbrissous…

Fig. Ranzida. Typical female reaction to male's free spirit caused by loss of CTF factor and raise of RGF. Pupol by Michele Zazzara. (Note Rumiz).

There are a lot of interesting results that need to be evaluated. The first, prevedible, is that the monogamous brave putele have generated circumcirca the same number of fiois of the monogamous male pikerins group of our precedent study (Manna, 2009a), as you will surely saver. If you do not saver, than you have to buy a copy of Monon Behavior 69/90, dei. The second is that the facilones and the brave putele have circumcirca the same reproductive fitness, with a little advantage for the facilones. So, the gene BUS-One should be at least diffused as the MUS-One, and female polygamy should be a good reproductive strategy for humans, probably the most diffuse. Instead, we know very well that human females are monogamous (Titepensi, 2005). We think that this is greatly correlated to the abbassament of CTF factor and to the cambiament from nacici to maranteegas of all females in a really incasinated way that now ve spiegherem:
  1. All the mitochondrios of the humans descend matrilinearment from a unique ancestral female antenat, that lived 150000 years ago and that has been called Eva, or “Mitochondrial Eva”, even if some are not d’accord. So, all females, facilones or brave putele, have the same mitochondrios, that are the organells that produce the energy. OK, keep this in amente.
  2. Both groups, facilones and brave putele, become less nacici and more maranteegas and lowerizz their CTF factor as a rispost to male presence. In fact it is very difficult for females to sopportar the males who spuzz, who do not move a finger in the house, who do not understand, who do not ascolt, who watch balon in tv and who rutt and scorezz. So, all females pian pianin are stressed by the male castronery and fancazzism, and increase their RGF. Obviously, polygamous females are more stressed for the presence of more males in the house. -As you could easily imagine, this point is the great rampeegade on the mirrors :P -
  3. The energy produced by the mitochondrios (the same for all females) is not enough to sopport the stress of more than one male at a time, even with some exceptions (Laidos, 1988). So, this easily explain why females are monogamous: un basta e vanza. From this ragionament, it is also evident that we are not correct when we exclaim “porca Eva” (or worst epithets), because she surely was monogamous.

Females polygamy could be a very competitive strategy in humans, but instead the main strategy is monogamy because females can not produce the quantity of energy needed to sopport the stress produced by more than one male in the house. For this stress, females become pian pianin maranteegas. Monongamous males, on the other side, are stressed because they are kept in this condition by the evil gene TE-STRAEWIRO. Males that are not under the TE-STRAEWIRO effect try to be a little polygamous ogni tant to alleviate the stress, but they are always ciapated and riempited of sazie lignade by females. However, a great philosopher of our century told: “if a key can open many doors, it’s a good key. If a door can be opened by many keys, it’s a bad door.” In conclusion, amor is not brodo de fasoi.

Note Rumiz: as no tuti sa, we allegate the explanation of the Kruscovac Academy of what a rumizada is (Dialetich, 2009):
Rumizàda. Sost; plur: Rumizàde; da Rumiz Paolo, ciclista viagiador ma anca giornalista; per taluni deriva inveze dela parola anglosassone Roometzate, espression onomatopeica e ontomatopelvica che deriva da Vroom, rumor che i ciclisti pensa che la bici fazi se spinta in pienaza de cagarse (raforz. Roooometzate, da Vroooom, spinta in strapienaza de stracagarse). Xe l’ato de cior la bici tut’int’un e partir per mete lontane, generalmente associade al termine “a remengo” o, se a distanza magior o uguale a 10000 Km, “in stramonazza”. A sto ato generalmente segui la publicazion de un libro con pupoli de Altan e comento tecnico de Emilio Rigatti.
Deriv. Rumizadòr; Rumizàr; Rumizmàtico.
Sin. Pedalada fora coi copi; Fadigon su do riode; impresa ciclistica.
Contr. Divanada; Poltronada; Pomigada.

We thanks all the females that will help us to alleviate the stress accumulated for this complex study. And also the females that will not spetar us outside to riempir us of sazie lignades.

Dialetich G. 2009. Che vanzada: guida a li neologismi tergestini. Accademia del Kruscovac guide.
Elio E.L.S.T. 1989. Cara ti amo. Universo femminile ediction.
Laidos. 1988. Laidi, La vera storia di Marinella, La mamma maiala. Spritz records.
Manna D. 2009a. Male monogamy: the best sexual strategy for humans? Monon behavior Vol. 69 No. 90: 13-16.
Manna D. 2009b. Miramare-Opicina: a preliminary study on the best bicycle way. Monon behavior Vol. 69 No. 90: 6-8.
Siffredi R. and Pozzi M. 1993. Ingropada in Gropada. Amica Chips serie 1993.
Titepensi B.M. 2005. How could Eva be polygamous if Adam was the only man? Eden chronicles 12: 23-24.
Witz M. 2004. Le ragazze si dividono in due gruppi, le facili e le pure. Le facili sono facili, le pure pure. Par ‘talian se capissi meo ediction.

giovedì 6 marzo 2014

Le aziende funzionano meglio promuovendo a caso i dipendenti, a dirlo uno studio scientifico (no gavessi mai dito) italiano

Monon Behavior in the world. La rubrica dedicata ai più importanti studi scientifici VERI che ci hanno praticamente rubato. Maledeti ciò.

The Peter Principle Revisited: A Computational Study 

Meritocrazia all'italiana.
Lo studio scientifico del 2010 di Alessandro Pluchino, Andrea Rapisarda e Cesare Garofalo dimostra, con una simulazione, che le aziende potrebbero funzionare meglio con promozioni alla cazzodicane, oppure alternando la promozione del miglior e peggior dipendente.
Addirittura, per il Principio di Peter ("in una gerarchia, ogni dipendente tende a salire di grado fino al proprio livello di incompetenza"), la promozione del migliore porta a un rapido calo dell'efficienza, perchè prima o poi tutti raggiungono una nuova mansione che non sono in grado di fare e la occupano ad libitum, non meritando più la promozione.

Mitico. I lavoratori triestini festeggiano. Le robe fatte alla viva l'A e po' bon sono sempre il top.

martedì 4 marzo 2014

Maldobrie e Monade de bici a Monfalcon giovedì 6 marzo

Giovedì 6 marzo una delegazion del Monon Behavior formada da Diego Manna e Paolo Stanese sarà ale 18 ala biblioteca de Monfalcon per contar un do viz sula ciclomonada Trieste-Krakow e per interpretar (ah ah! bela! sarà de rider za per questo!) una dele maldobrie del libro.  Forsi l'altro autor Michele Zazzara sarà in direta via Skype, vedemo.

Il tutto all'interno del ciclo di incontri su "Percorrere lentamente - viaggiatori slow in biblioteca" organizzato dalla biblioteca di Monfalcone.

Presenta: Marco Vianello
Letture ad alta voce a cura dei lettori volontari della Biblioteca di Monfalcone
In collaborazione con Bisiachinbici

Ecco uno spezzone della maldobria:

E qua il depliant della rassegna:

lunedì 3 marzo 2014

Tirar porchi rilassa, lo dimostra uno studio scientifico. Ma i furlani za saveva.

Monon Behavior in the world. La rubrica dedicata ai più importanti studi scientifici VERI che ci hanno praticamente rubato. Maledeti ciò. Ecco il primo.

Swearing as a response to pain

Nel 2009, i ricercatori Stephens, Atkins e Kingston hanno dimostrato che su due gruppi di studio, l'uno con facoltà di porconare e l'altro no, il primo sopporta meglio il dolore e lo stress. Tutto ovviamente a vantaggio della salute.
Questo risultato spiegherebbe sicuramente il grande stoicismo del popolo friulano, dove resistenza alle disgrazie e freestyle di porconi sono sempre andati di pari passo.

Riteniamo comunque che la ricerca vada approfondita, essendo infatti molto lacunoso il raggruppare tutto il fantasy porconing friulano in una sola categoria di studio.
Il Monon Behavior Research Department si impegna quindi nell'approfondire il tutto, dividendo i soggetti in base al tipo di porcone emesso.  
I gruppi di studio saranno chiamati fattorie.
Per quanto riguarda il tipo di stress o dolore da causare ai friulani, stiamo ricevendo tantissimi curriculum di triestini interessati a questo lavoro.

In preparazione anche "Swearing improves computer's speed" e "Swearing makes the traffic disappear".